The Phone and The Relationship

After reading "Making the Connection," I recalled a few instances where the phone played a very large part in a relationship (one with a male and one with my female roommate), and the result wasn't necessarily successful.

I recently had a very in-depth conversation with my female roommate over text message. I know you're thinking, 'How can you have an in-depth conversation over text?' Well, let me show you. My roommate decided to have an argument over the phone regarding a miscalculation of $1 on our cable bill. I know she chose to speak to me over this medium because it was easier than forcing us to have a confrontation face to face. And even more impersonal than actually speaking on the phone, she chose to text. I think this sort of thing happens all the time now with our generation. Before, you might have a fight over the phone because you didn't want to fight in person with someone. But now that we have an even more distanced way to speak to someone, we use it when we want to feel in control. It reminds me of having junior high fights over Instant Message. You could never really tell how the other person meant a particular comment, and you felt like since you weren't having to scream at them in person, doing it over the computer would make it easier. Needless to say, after our 30 minute conversation over text, nothing was really resolved, and we never talked about it in person after that. What good did that do? Except that we both felt some sort of power over the other one by distancing ourselves from the fight.

Another instance with which the phone can be a cause for insanity in a relationship: Recently, I have been spending more time with this guy. We occassionaly text back and forth, and if we are trying to make plans, we usually talk on the phone. But with men, it becomes a game. This is where the article rang true for me. The waiting. Is he not texting/calling me because he is not thinking about me? Is he too busy? So you text him. Or you call him. And he doesn't respond right away. Then you think, Did he get it even? And then we he responds later, a weight is lifted off your shoulder. Because you might have been thinking, "Well, I don't want to send another one because that would make me seem desperate or needy." I don't necessarily think that if it is awkward on the phone, then something is wrong. Some men are just really bad on the phone. However, I agree with the article that sometimes you call him (or text) just to see what he is up to because you want to know. And you fear that when you haven't talked in a few days, should you initiate the first text? And then you do, and you have a short text conversation, and then you are unfulfilled again.

I think this text revolution is the new telephone revolution for relationships--of all kinds. It makes things easier, but at the same time, lots of the time, unfulfilling.